So you hate this game, by your own admission, have no talent, and don’t want to practice build orders. Okay, maybe this game isn’t for you then. I don’t know what to tell you, everybody here has gone through this process.
Or, take your own pill:
Stop making your psychological issues worse. You are being hysterical. Take a chill pill, learn a few build orders. You don’t even have to learn tight build orders, you can pick loose ones. Loose build orders don’t prescribe when to take a boar, or when exactly to send vils to berries. They will just ask you to put x on food, y on wood, and z on gold.